Thought 128
Know, Court, Marry
For more information on these three items (know, court, marry) read Passion and Purity or Quest for Love by Elizabeth Elliot. They are awesome books!
Know: Getting to know the opposite sex. When I say getting to know I mean just talking, hanging out—in groups!—, studying the Bible together at Church, ect… I do not mean sex and lust. You can have clean, meaningful friendships with those of the opposite sex without dating them or pursuing temptation.
Court: A period of time in which you move toward engagement and marriage after having consulted your parents and other mature Christians, but, most importantly, having already received the approval of the Lord through prayer and seeking His will.
Marriage: Uniting for as long as you both shall live.
Interested in somebody, but don’t know if you should say something?
#1 Go to God in prayer asking for direction and His will to be done.
Perquisite: If you are a Christian only pursue a “relationship” with another Christian. The Lord has warned us not to be unequally yoked (2 Cor. 6:14-18).
#2 Go to your parents and other mature Christian counselors (older people than you), and talk to them about the person you are interested in. Ask them to partner with you in prayer and keep in touch. In short, have some accountability.
#3 Go to her dad and ask for permission to court his daughter with the intention of marriage. Young men, I encourage you to do this before you say anything to the girl, there are many reasons why I say this, but the primary one is that her father deserves your respect. He, hopefully, is and has been the primary man in her life, and out of respect you should ask him about his little girl. If you don’t agree with me, then I ask you to put yourself in his position: how would you feel if your daughter is “going-out” with a young man that you know nothing about? That should be enough to send chills up and down your spine.
Courting is not a synonym of dating. Dating is usually based on lust. Here’s why: a guy sees a girl that is “hot” and so he asks her out. His thoughts are nowhere near pure and his intention possibly worse. This is not God-honoring and it certainly is not honoring to the young woman. The purpose of courting is to get to know each other and find out if God wants the two of you to marry and when you know that it is, to take wise, Spirit-lead steps to preparation for your marriage.
For the girls out there saying, “But what about a girl that is interested in a particular guy, should she go to his Dad?” The answer is no. Girls, you should not do the asking or pursue the young man. He is supposed to be the leader in the home and if you marry him, he is to be the head of the household. If you pursue him, it would be easy for you two to get your roles mixed up from the very beginning. A woman leading her household is not operating in her God-given role, if her husband is still alive (Eph. 5:22-33).
#4 Talk to HER or HIM. Be careful and remember that your goal is to honor what God wants for each of you. Maybe God has already revealed to you that you would marry that person, but this doesn’t mean that you skip the courtship stage. Courtship does not have a time limit attached to it; but you should strive to keep God as the focus. Don’t just spend time alone together. Spend time during your courtship with each other’s families, serving at church, ect… Don’t just stay alone together! Only spending time alone puts you in the center of the devil’s physical fun zone mentality. Scripture warns us to flee sexual temptation, not walk into situations where we know there could be some temptation and just resist. Therefore, I purpose, avoiding the temptation altogether—to flee like Joseph!—by going places with friends and family together instead. After all, when you marry, you will need to know each other’s family, so why not start from the beginning?
The courtship model is much closer to what occurred in ancient Israel and colonial America than our current “progressive” search for finding a mate; and quite frankly, I think they understood this process to marriage a lot better.
We have looked at a lot today and we have done so very briefly. Above all else, please seek the Lord’s will! Whether you completely agree with me or not, what is one principle that you know is Scriptural and that you can put into action that you saw today? Put it into action.
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Isaiah 40:29-31 NIV
