Conversation

Conversation

 

  Guys, today I want to ask you to pause and think about your conversation. When I was 11-13 I was a gossip and frequently shared laughs over dirty jokes with my friends. Now, I will be honest, that even up to this day there I times that I’ve laughed or taken part in something I shouldn’t. But every time I do, the Holy Spirit pricks my conscience and reminds me that what I am doing is not Christlike. I know you are under many pressures guys. Hormones rage (trust me I’ve been your age not so long ago) and the thrill of talking about so and so’s relationship and such and such physical jokes produce such an emotional high that they are addictive.

   But, guys, what about our future wives one day? Will you be able to look her in the eye and tell her how you lived as a young man? And what about the Lord’s heart that we break as we talk about the things done in darkness that He tells us not to discuss (Eph 5:12). For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret. Eph 5:12 (KJV) One day, I pray that you will all be raised up by the Lord to be Faithful Men in this country and our perverse generation. I pray that you love your wives with a Christlike and passionate love that you have for no other, but guys, talking about sex in the locker room simply cheapens the intimacy you have with and the value you will place in the companionship of your wife in the future. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, 2 Cor 6:17 (KJV)

 Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.

Psalms 119:9 (KJV)

   God wants your relationship with Him to be vibrant. Think of the intimacy with God the prophets had, Jesus Christ had with the Father, the Early Church had with the Holy Spirit, and Adam and Eve had with God. But, what you watch, listen to, and say affect your heart in tremendous measure. I’m not saying it will be easy. Medical science says that the high men get when looking at porn and discussing sexual content is more addictive than heroine. But guys, there is REAL LIFE. What feels good is actually not good for you. God has given you intense sexual desire because He created you that way. It is right and proper for you to have that passion for your wife. But until marriage, God expects you not only to abstain in your physical body, but your spirit. Because if your heart is corrupt, your whole body is in darkness. God will give you the strength, guard your minds!

 

Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. 13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 14 Wherefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry.

1 Cor 10:12-14 (KJV)

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Phil 4:6-7 (KJV)

 

 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. 9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

Phil 4:8-9 (KJV)

 

“By those who come near Me I must be regarded as holy; and before all the people I must be glorified.”—Leviticus 10:3 NKJV

 

My Testimony: The Faithfulness of God

 

My Testimony:

 

The Faithfulness of God

“Where your focus goes, the power flows…”—Vincent Newfield

 

“One thing that I have finally surrendered to God and determine to continue to, even as I write this, is to leave ‘the girls’ in God’s hands.”—Ryan Marks

        Growing up I always seemed to focus on girls before God. I accepted Christ at the age of four, but didn’t take Him seriously until 5^th grade. At the age three I was already “girl crazy.” In fact, my mom says that I have always “liked” girls. 

It turns out that ‘like’ was equivalent with LUST in my life.

       As I mentioned, at three I was already proven to be girl crazy. It was that year of my life when I came home from preschool and asked my mom if we could change my sister’s name to Anna, the name of the girl that I had a crush on.

    Between the ages of five and ten or eleven I proposed to three to five girls (I am not exactly sure how many anymore). However, in fifth and sixth grade, God interrupted my proposal rush and started dealing with me about how I “loved” girls more than Him. The reason that the Lord began to deal with me on the subject is that during my fifth and sixth grade years I had begun to grow close to the Lord. I served Him, received my prayer language,  started worshiping Him passionately, began to pray for others, began getting-up by alarm to have a quiet time and started to write lyrics of praise.

       Although I was growing in God, I still didn’t want to give up “liking” girls. As a result I pursued a girl, who is now a good friend, for about two years. However, I stopped “following-my-heart” when her Dad got involved. Her Dad, a close friend and mentor of mine now, was an instrument in the hands of God. I was scared to death of him and his talk with my own father led to me backing off.

    Because I did not listen to the Holy Spirit’s promptings about putting girls ahead of Him, this confrontation had to come. Because of disobedience to God I was reproved by my father on behalf of hers and God dashed my own quest of following-my-heart for love like the world tells us to do. I had to be corrected by God, through my father, before He could bring our families so close together as He would in the future. Just a few years after this incident, her father became my mentor and I found my past had been forgiven and wasn’t mentioned.

      Yet despite the Lord’s correction, I hadn’t fully yielded, “completely surrendered.” Through seventh and eighth grade, I only concealed the way I felt, so now my once bold form of proposal became a carefully calculated mental sin. I “liked” a few girls during this time, only to have God expose my wrong mindset and motives yet again.

     In the midst of these challenges, I was considered “ok.” People told me, that I was a pretty stable guy. As a man said that to me recently, I laughed inside as my mind raced through a part of this story of girl “trouble” and “obsession.”

      In high school, I listened to the audio book I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris and a couple of times and immediately after doing so made a personal commitment to wait and see what God would do in my “love life.”  I can tell you that the journey through high school and in college has not been easy. I’m I guy and have still been attracted to a lot of young women, there’s been a couple that I thought I might even end up marrying one day. Thankfully, however, my focus has remained on the Lord’s approval and He has always guided me to His will.

      What has kept me stable amidst the emotional roller coasters of life is seeking the Lord and trusting Him. I can’t say that I have all the answers and I also can’t say that I have completely been through be single and am married for that has not happened yet, but I want to encourage you to not seek a relationship, but to trust in the Lord and focus on Him first and foremost. And then, when the time is right, God will supply a wife if that is His will for us (Matt. 6:33, Prov 19:14).

         As we go on in this article, I want to share with you some principles that I have learned as in my own journey with the Lord in this area of life.

·         Where your attention goes the power flows.

·         You can be mad at God and others simply because you didn’t understand why something happened.

·         You can be shaken, but won’t fall when standing with the Lord.

·         If you continue blaming = inability to love and you become negative, which in turn produces anger and pride.

·         Thankfulness breaks you free of negativity.

·         Move forward when God directs you, otherwise, the grace won’t be there.

 

One Specific Example of During Highschool

    The Lord had just told me to continue waiting and not take action just a few weeks before. The Royal Rangers Pow Wow had come and I was selected to ride in the van with the younger Discovery Rangers (3^rd-5^th grade boys). I sat in the back and visited with a guy and he said something out of nowhere which shocked me. Now, it was gossip, but I so wanted to believe it; and yet the Holy Spirit inside said, “be cautious, do not just believe this.”

   The younger Ranger told me that the very girl I was just impressed upon to WAIT for had a crush on me. He said that the word was all over a particular ministry at my church. I tried to play it cautiously and asked why he thought this. He responded by telling me that whenever I would talk to this girl that she turned red. Ok, so what if she turns red? I never noticed this and it really wasn’t even close to being a “solid” rumor, of course are any rumors solid? NO!

  Ok, so I knew that a 5^th or 6^th grader was telling me this and I couldn’t just believe it, I mean I was in my second year of high school, but I so wanted to.

   I tried to put the gossip in the back of my head and forget about it but I just couldn’t….it would pop up again and again, like an annoying spam email. And the next day when I got up it was still troubling me, so I got up and took a walk on the campgrounds, a walk far back in the woods, well not really that far, I was on a dirt road; so that no one could hear me, and I talked to God for thirty minutes to an hour. I asked for courage to not give in to the temptation of believing this rumor that I so badly wanted to believe. Even if it was true, Proverbs warns of listening to gossip! I didn’t feel too much better after I talked to God, but I was strengthened and now I have found the Scripture reference to back up why. The Holy Spirit gave me this passage as I cried out to Him to remove the burden of the gossip, even though I didn’t know chapter and verse.

But they that wait upon the LORD shall

renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings as eagles;

they shall run, and not be weary;

and they shall walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 30:31 (KJV)

 

   This brings me to the time that I am now writing this, the journey isn’t done. God still wants me to wait, and the Divine Hand of a Providential God has definitely been at work in this area of my life. Despite my childish and ignorant responses at times, just look at how God was still there working during those hard times . . .  how HE continued to lead me back towards the path as a Faithful shepherd.

People who conceal their sins will not prosper,

 but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.

 Proverbs 28:13 (NLT)

  I have heard many stories about how people ‘used to be’ before they found God or how they didn’t trust HIM in a hard time. I think that is what Proverbs 28:13 means: confessing, saying,  “yes, I have done this, but by the Lord’s grace may l learn from it, follow HIS leading, and discard the blasphemous thoughts of this world, the flesh and the devil, that are so entrenched in my mind.”

    Lord, my prayer remains the same, “Please, show me things for what they really are, that I might not be deceived and dishonor you.”

   Truly, power does flow where your focus goes. Let’s focus on the right things, and let the natural power flow aid us instead of working against us, aiding our three-part enemy: the World, the Flesh, and the Devil. Seek the Lord first (Matt 6:33)!

I might not know a lot, but this I do:

God has been faithful, so why won’t HE continue to be?

 

For since the beginning of the world men have not heard,

nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen,

O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him.

Isaiah 64:4 (KJV)

 

      That “beside thee” refers to revelation. What God ‘shows us’ is the only way to ‘see-the-future,’ that is in a sense, what HE did for Abraham and Noah.

 

  As you have hopefully seen God has been faithful in my life and He can and will be in your life. I don’t always understand His ways, nor can you (Is 55). Yet I say like David, how mysterious are your ways O Lord…And you are Faithful!

 

God will give us the strength to stand if we seek and focus on Him

(1 Cor. 10:13, Matt. 6:33)

 

Make a Purity Creed

Make a Purity Creed

         Making a purity creed for yourself helps to steer you in the right direction. This is especially beneficial to men because of the battle against lust. Still, I believe that women can gain a benefit from developing their own purity creed as well. To give you an idea of what I mean, here is my personal purity creed:

#1 I will guard my purity in all situations and do my best to avoid potentially dangerous circumstances.

#2 I commit to guarding my eyes and Job 31:1 is my battle cry.

#3 Since my body isn’t my own, but God’s, why should I endanger it whether spiritually or physically?

#4 I turn to God for the strength to resist every temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13).

#5 I choose to guard myself from TV programs which display purity, sex, and using women as a mere ‘device’ and not a sin.

#6 I believe that God will guide me to the woman I am to marry. (Isaiah 40:31, Isaiah 48:17, Genesis 24, and Isaiah 30:21)

#7 I commit not to kiss the woman I will marry (and no one else) until my wedding day.

      Whether you agree with this creed or not, having your own creed will help you to “stay on track.” Just getting something down on paper and reviewing it does a lot to help you stick to what you wrote. Please take the time to live it out.

Purity

Purity

The 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language by Noah Webster defines purity as:

1.     Cleanness; freedom from foulness or dirt; as the purity of a garment.

2.     Freedom from guilt or the defilement of sin; innocence; as purity of heart or life.

3.     Chastity; freedom from contamination by illicit sexual connection.

4.     Freedom from any sinister or improper views; as the purity of motives or designs.

          Whether you are married or single you can still be pure. Our culture teaches that purity is just waiting to have sex till marriage and that’s where purity ends; but this is not the truth that God tells us in Scripture.  First off, God does say to wait to have sex until marriage, but guarding your eyes (by what you watch), your ears (with what you listen too), and your friends (you become like your friends) is just as important. You see there is this thing called the Spirit of the Law. This phrase is based on Jesus’ statement in Matthew 5:27-28; verse twenty-seven says that the law (rule) is not to commit adultery—this is referring to physically committing adultery—but Jesus raised this law to the spirit (verse 28), which means that if man even desirously fantasizes (lusts) about a woman, then he is guilty of committing adultery with her. We can sum this concept up in two words, thoughts and motive. From these, we can understand that waiting till marriage to have “sex” also includes not entertaining the wrong thoughts and motives (God knows what our hearts are). This realization makes us pause, and that’s good because we realize all the more how short we fall and why we need Christ’s cross to make us clean. We also realize that we have a battle on our hands—a purity battle.

           Secondly, marriage is pure; it is not impure. When you are married and have “had sex” you have not lost your purity along with your virginity. The reason being if you obediently follow the Lord, aren’t you pure? Yes!

           Thirdly, your purity is not just sexual, rather spiritual; it involves all sin and righteousness—much larger in scale than mere sexual purity. Purity is the righteous, pure and holy standard of God that is measured against your life: whether you lie or tell the truth, steal or give, cheat or aid, lust or love, etc . . . The implications of your purity are huge, but to be completely pure is really as simple as believing in Jesus so much that you daily carry your cross and follow Him. Upon believing in Christ, we are instantly made pure (His righteousness becomes our righteousness); and given the capability to remain pure (that is, the ability walk in the Spirit).

“For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.”

Psalm 103:11-12 KJV

Purity—In Life and In Heart

Purity In Life and In Heart

The following article, written in the summer of 2013 and published by Focusing on the Mark Ministries’ monthly devotional email Devo Blast: was the first full compilation of what I have learned about courtship and dating, up till that time I had spoken or written devotions on the topic, but never gathered all my “thoughts” into one place. It has been included, unedited, here:

 

Devo Blast Article

Purity—In Life and In Heart

 

dating vs.courtship

the search for purity amidst the darkness

Ryan Marks

 

       I was going to talk about standing for truth this month, but since Trey is talking about purity and several other things in life have come up, this seemed the best time to address dating, courtship, and marriage this year. What I am attempting is to cast vision, I am not trying to legislate rules, and simply trying to encourage that we look for a method of pre-marriage “getting to know each other” that allows us to build boundaries of protection for ourselves and to maintain a godly testimony before Unbelievers. What I now will go into is part of my own journey, testimony, and what I have taught and discussed with classes I have taught and young men that I have mentored over the last 5 years.

      There is no life found in dating. It is an endless process of giving your heart away and searching for a loving feeling. I only said I was “dating” a girl for one day—and then my mom found out and it was over (I was like 9 or 10). As my mother will tell you, I have always “liked” girls. That is not a bad thing necessarily, but it has brought heartache. I proposed 5 times by the time I was 12. I always have wanted to be married; I even thought as a young boy that I would turn 16, get a car, and get a wife (again, my mother will verify this). My quest for “love” turned sour and at about 12 or 13 I slid into a shell—still “liking” girls, but being less forward. I began to grow in my relationship with the Lord, but “relationships” were still foreign to me. I was almost never without a “crush” and those would only end in heartbreak until another good-feeling crush came along.

Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment.

Eccl 11:9 (KJV)

      At some point, I realized this pattern was futile. And I cried out to the Lord in despair and at my utter end something like this: “Lord, what does Your Word say about pre-marriage ‘relationships?’ Is it dating, or courtship, or is something else Your way?” That question began an approximate 3 month journey where it seemed that every time I opened the Word of God that the Lord showed me how His Word was filled with answers to my question: it is seen in how the Church is the Bride of Christ, the harlot vs. virtuous woman in proverbs, Israel the prostituted daughter, and the many scriptures that teach clearly and bluntly about where lustful and selfish motives (often part of dating) take us. What will follow in this article is many of the principles I have learned as the Lord has led me on a walk of coming to the conviction that dating is unbibilical and that courtship is historically based on Biblical principles. One day I would like to write a book on Courtship, and have attempted to several times and have always been set back, please pray for me that the Lord will make a way to write that book.

     Around the 1920s courtship shifted to a new concept in our nation: dating. The saying is that “[pre-marriage relationships] moved from the
front porch to the back seat [of a car].” It was right during the time of WWI and WWII that dating became common. Prior to that time courtship was around. Now courtship can be defined many ways, but I will define it as the time period between when a young man has received the permission of a young woman’s father to court his daughter with the intention of engagement and marriage. Courtship is a pre-marriage relationship that is not centered on pleasure, but seriously looking toward marriage. It is a testing time to make sure that it God’s will is for the two to marry and for them to grow closer as friends. They do not spend time completely alone, but with each other’s families and in ministry settings. Dating I would define as a young man or young woman asking somebody out because they like the way they look/want to have a good time. It is based on emotion, affection (which is not necessarily wrong), and often lust. It is an unwise time period where a boy and girl isolate themselves from authority and protection and step into a flirtation ground where kissing and more may be permitted. There is hardly ever any real getting to know someone because you are observing them in a false environment; not around their family and in ministry where their true character—their strengths and weaknesses—will be very clearly seen.

     I still recall doing a Royal Rangers high school devotion on 1 Cor. 7:27 “Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife (ESV).” and Proverbs 18:22 “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord (KJV).” The balance of these two verses in light of the Whole counsel of God, is seek the Lord first and then He will put your other priorities in order and guide your steps: Matthew 6:33. It is the principle that Focusing on the Mark Ministries is built on; yet it is one that I have struggled with and I’m sure that you have too. It can be difficult to seek the Lord first when there is a significant other on your mind. But our first priority in life must remain the Lord even after we are married.

       I have found the balance of 7:27 and 18:22 best described by this analogy: suppose you lost your keys. You look frantically for them and search in places that you normally don’t go. Along the search, you will probably find some things that you didn’t know were where they are and perhaps didn’t even know you had. It is the same with God. If we will seek Him first—if He is our all consuming focus like the keys—then He will guide us to the right woman (or man if you’re a woman) at the right time. The Key is not to go around trying to find a spouse, but to seek the Lord first in our lives and trust the Lord to guide you. God brought Eve to Adam and supernaturally orchestrated Isaac and Rebecca’s marriage (Gen. 24—great chapter!).

 

    In Scripture, there are two types of women. Rebecca is one that displays virtue in Genesis 24, but there is another type: the harlot.

The two types of women who will cross your path:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As I tell young men—the women you hang around, will make or break you.

The Two Types of Men

 

 

 

 

 

 

Summary of points to study further on your own:

·        Prov. 5, 6, 7, 31 women

·        Character

·        Crying out to the Lord

·        Young men focused on the Lord 1^st the other priorities fall in place

·        Balance—a godly man avoids all extremes (Ecc. 7:18)

·        Not legalistic rules, but true, sincere heart for having a relationship with the Lord first

·        Vanity (true beauty is on the inside, not outside)

·        clothing (men don’t wear women’s clothes and vice versa—Deuteronomy 22:5)

·         1 Peter, Eph 5, Prov. 31, Gen. 24, Is. 48:17, 30:21

·        Dating prepares people for divorce because they are trained to selfishly look for someone who can fulfill their own desires and when they are done with one person, they just move onto the next. In short, there is not commitment and responsibility to their “love.”

·        Busy at home (Titus 2:5) vs. never being at home (like a harlot, Proverbs 7:11) and a feminist, career woman (I’m not saying women cannot work, Proverbs 31 clearly teaches that they can; but today, many women’s first priority is not their home, but a career—this is sadly very evident in our culture)

·        Gentle and quiet spirit (this is one of the greatest qualities to look for, 1Peter 3:4)

·        She’s a dedicated Christian (with similar worldview and calling)

·        Virtuous—Prov 31

·        The Focus of a young man should be—developing relationship with Lord first, then discovering his calling and providing and preparing for future marriage.

·        Andy Stanley, Principle of the Path p. 64-65

·        Parents—are you preparing your kids for living a Christian life dedicated to the Lord and marriage (if it be the Lord’s will for them)? Marriage is much more important than college….yet do we try to train them for it?

·        Avoiding even a hint of sexual immorality requires seriousness (Ephesians 5:3). Joseph wouldn’t even be around Potipher’s wife and fled when she tempted him—he didn’t try to “missionary date” her as a false teaching today tells young people to do.

·        A good illustration that I learned from Johsua Harris: We talk about Falling into love, but what happens when we hit the bottom?

 

       Either the things I have mentioned really are important, or they are just some crazy rules and principles that a few people follow. You have to decide for yourself. How important is your belief, your view of dating and courtship and who will it impact?

Books I have studied on this subject

(these are only the ones that I recommend)

Dating vs. Courtship  by Paul Jehle—I just recently finished reading this 113 page book and it is the one that I most HIGHLY RECOMMEND. He covers so much. This is a book of meat and thorough explanation despite its small size.

Stop Dating the Church (summary: the local church is so important that we should put it’s importance above the location of the college that we attend, otherwise we treat the church as something we just “date” when we want to, instead of as the center of our Christian fellowship and discipleship as it is mean to be)  by Joshua Harris

What He Must Be….if he wants to marry my daughter  by Voddi Baucham Jr.

Establishing Biblical Standards of Courtship  by Bill Gothard

The Principle of the Path by Andy Stanley

Passion and Purity  by Elizabeth Elliot (wife of the deceased Jim Elliot)

Quest for Love  by Elizabeth Elliot

I Kissed Dating Goodbye  by Joshua Harris

Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship  by Joshua Harris

Sex, Love, and Romance: Sex Education from the Bible  by Hugh Pyle , A Beka Book—Christian highschool sex ed book.

The Screwtape Letters  by C.S. Lewis (parts of this deal with the subject)

http://billgothard.com/teaching/courtship  By Bill Gothard