“[M]y dear son and daughter, you need not
consider praying for a pious spouse a disgrace. For you do not consider it a
disgrace to ask God to give you a sound hand or leg. . . .Now a pious spouse is
as necessary as a sound hand or leg. For if a husband or wife do not turn out
well, you enjoy few good days or hours and would prefer to have a paralyzed
hand or leg instead.”
Martin Luther, What Luther Says
“either [by] complete abstinence or
unmitigated monogamy…..we have been
closing up the way of escape. We have done this through the poets and novelists
by persuading humans that a curious, and usually short-lived, experience which
they call ‘being in love’ is the only respectable ground for marriage; that
marriage can, and ought to, render this excitement permanent; and that a
marriage which does not do so is no longer binding. This idea is our parody of
the idea that came from the Enemy…. You can thus get the humans to accept as
rhetorical eulogies of ‘being in love’ what were in fact plain descriptions of
sexual intercourse. The truth is that whenever a man lies with a woman, there,
whether they like it or not, a transcendental relation is set up between them
which must be eternally enjoyed or eternally endured. From the true statement
that this transcendental relation was intended to produce, and, if obediently
entered into, too often will produce, affection and the family, humans can be
made to infer the false belief that the blend of affection, fear, and desire
which they call ‘being in love’ is the only thing that makes a marriage either
happy or holy.”
The
Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis
True
Love = Commitment
As the quote by C.S. Lewis describes the
importance of love: sexual expression is not merely “being in love.” Sexual
union unites a man and a woman in a Heavenly design: marriage. Two souls become
one. Aged men and women, as you may notice around your church or neighborhood,
can finish each other’s sentences and know what each other are thinking. They
even wait patiently, sometimes with a smile as they listen to their beloved
speak. Do not fall prey to emotion alone. Emotion is great and we know that sex
feels great because God created it for not only procreation, but for enjoyment and
pleasure between a husband and wife in marriage. But Satan seeks to get us to
take bites “of the forbidden fruit” when in reality, the fruit is only
forbidden until marriage because of how delightful it tastes. If we partake of
it too early, we will not be able to control ourselves properly. We need the
accountability within marriage and the commitment
to truly enjoy the passion.
You can partake of sex without ever
engaging in the physical act. Why do you think so many are addicted to porn?
Why do so many young girls giggle over the latest boy band? Are they merely “in
love” or are they “in love with the emotional feelings of ‘being in love’”?
Guys are no different, we make a lot more decisions on feeling than some may
realize. The difference is that women primarily desire to have intimate and
exciting feelings, whereas, most men long for the pleasure of physical contact.
Women are “turned on” by touch. That is why the Scripture tells us to be
careful:
It
is
good for a man not to touch a woman.
Nevertheless, to
avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman
have her own husband.
1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (KJV)
We
must guard our emotions—that is largely what this book is about. Far too
often, dating has the goal of simply getting the feeling of “being in love.”
And once that feeling is over—ya, you know what happens: the couple breaks up
and after a while probably start seeing other people and the same things
happens again. This kind of consumerism in intimacy prepares people for
divorce. By the way, dating was not around until the creation of the
automobile. Before then, courtship was expected. If a young man kept coming to
a young lady’s house to talk, people expected them to get married. Is that
legalistic or overkill? No, it is very wise.
Do not get involved with the opposite
sex in “a relationship” until you are absolutely ready to commit. To determine
if you are ready, you both need the blessing of your parents. True love
commits—it stays through the thick and the thin. It takes care of each other
when one of you has bad breath or is spilling your guts out because of the
stomach flu: it’s not a pretty picture but depicts true love for another. True
love sacrifices yourself and defers to the other’s needs and preferences in
marriage.
Look at how God describes love (God does not describe love as an emotion,
but as a committed decision):
Though
I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am
become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. 2 And
though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and
all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains,
and have not charity, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods
to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not
charity, it profiteth me nothing. 4 Charity suffereth long, and
is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not
puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not
her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth
not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all
things, hopeth all things, endureth all
things. 8 Charity never faileth
1 Corinth-ians 13:1-8 (KJV), emphasis added
Until and when marital love comes our way
(if it is the Lord’s will for us), we are to treat the opposite sex in the
following way:
Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and
the younger men as brethren; 2 The elder women as mothers;
the younger as sisters, with all purity.
1 Timothy 5:1-2 (KJV)
If you’re a woman, respect other young
men as if they were your brother and older men as if they were your father. If
you’re a man, treat younger women as if they were your sister and older women
as if they were your mother. If we practiced this one thing, we would maintain
purity and the whole dilemma of “relationships” in our culture would be gone.
Until God opens the door for marriage,
we are to wait patiently: not with longing hearts pining away for marriage and
dwelling on it from day to day, but rather about our Father’s business: serving
the Lord, close to members of the Family of God in a local church, redeeming
the time through our work, praying for our future spouse to be a Biblical man
of character or a Biblical woman of virtue, and preparing for future marriage
by pursuing wisdom through having the Holy Spirit teach us as we read the Word
of God (STOP AND READ: 1 John 2:27), listening to those older than us to mine
their wisdom, and focusing our hearts on the Lord first and foremost; for if we
place Christ first, then He will provide everything we need in His perfect
timing as a blessing; not as an anxiously awaited necessity (Matthew 6, 6:33)
The following song from Fireproof may be encouraging to you, I
know it has been to me:
While
I’m Waiting lyrics
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
Listen
to it here:
