True Love = Commitment

“[M]y dear son and daughter, you need not consider praying for a pious spouse a disgrace. For you do not consider it a disgrace to ask God to give you a sound hand or leg. . . .Now a pious spouse is as necessary as a sound hand or leg. For if a husband or wife do not turn out well, you enjoy few good days or hours and would prefer to have a paralyzed hand or leg instead.”

Martin Luther, What Luther Says

 “either [by] complete abstinence or unmitigated monogamy…..we  have been closing up the way of escape. We have done this through the poets and novelists by persuading humans that a curious, and usually short-lived, experience which they call ‘being in love’ is the only respectable ground for marriage; that marriage can, and ought to, render this excitement permanent; and that a marriage which does not do so is no longer binding. This idea is our parody of the idea that came from the Enemy…. You can thus get the humans to accept as rhetorical eulogies of ‘being in love’ what were in fact plain descriptions of sexual intercourse. The truth is that whenever a man lies with a woman, there, whether they like it or not, a transcendental relation is set up between them which must be eternally enjoyed or eternally endured. From the true statement that this transcendental relation was intended to produce, and, if obediently entered into, too often will produce, affection and the family, humans can be made to infer the false belief that the blend of affection, fear, and desire which they call ‘being in love’ is the only thing that makes a marriage either happy or holy.”

The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis

 

True Love = Commitment

    As the quote by C.S. Lewis describes the importance of love: sexual expression is not merely “being in love.” Sexual union unites a man and a woman in a Heavenly design: marriage. Two souls become one. Aged men and women, as you may notice around your church or neighborhood, can finish each other’s sentences and know what each other are thinking. They even wait patiently, sometimes with a smile as they listen to their beloved speak. Do not fall prey to emotion alone. Emotion is great and we know that sex feels great because God created it for not only procreation, but for enjoyment and pleasure between a husband and wife in marriage. But Satan seeks to get us to take bites “of the forbidden fruit” when in reality, the fruit is only forbidden until marriage because of how delightful it tastes. If we partake of it too early, we will not be able to control ourselves properly. We need the accountability within marriage and the commitment to truly enjoy the passion.

    You can partake of sex without ever engaging in the physical act. Why do you think so many are addicted to porn? Why do so many young girls giggle over the latest boy band? Are they merely “in love” or are they “in love with the emotional feelings of ‘being in love’”? Guys are no different, we make a lot more decisions on feeling than some may realize. The difference is that women primarily desire to have intimate and exciting feelings, whereas, most men long for the pleasure of physical contact. Women are “turned on” by touch. That is why the Scripture tells us to be careful:

It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (KJV)

       We must guard our emotions—that is largely what this book is about. Far too often, dating has the goal of simply getting the feeling of “being in love.” And once that feeling is over—ya, you know what happens: the couple breaks up and after a while probably start seeing other people and the same things happens again. This kind of consumerism in intimacy prepares people for divorce. By the way, dating was not around until the creation of the automobile. Before then, courtship was expected. If a young man kept coming to a young lady’s house to talk, people expected them to get married. Is that legalistic or overkill? No, it is very wise.

        Do not get involved with the opposite sex in “a relationship” until you are absolutely ready to commit. To determine if you are ready, you both need the blessing of your parents. True love commits—it stays through the thick and the thin. It takes care of each other when one of you has bad breath or is spilling your guts out because of the stomach flu: it’s not a pretty picture but depicts true love for another. True love sacrifices yourself and defers to the other’s needs and preferences in marriage.

          Look at how God describes love (God does not describe love as an emotion, but as a committed decision):

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. 4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Charity never faileth 1 Corinth-ians 13:1-8 (KJV), emphasis added

 

     Until and when marital love comes our way (if it is the Lord’s will for us), we are to treat the opposite sex in the following way:

Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; 2 The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.

1 Timothy 5:1-2 (KJV)

 

        If you’re a woman, respect other young men as if they were your brother and older men as if they were your father. If you’re a man, treat younger women as if they were your sister and older women as if they were your mother. If we practiced this one thing, we would maintain purity and the whole dilemma of “relationships” in our culture would be gone.

        Until God opens the door for marriage, we are to wait patiently: not with longing hearts pining away for marriage and dwelling on it from day to day, but rather about our Father’s business: serving the Lord, close to members of the Family of God in a local church, redeeming the time through our work, praying for our future spouse to be a Biblical man of character or a Biblical woman of virtue, and preparing for future marriage by pursuing wisdom through having the Holy Spirit teach us as we read the Word of God (STOP AND READ: 1 John 2:27), listening to those older than us to mine their wisdom, and focusing our hearts on the Lord first and foremost; for if we place Christ first, then He will provide everything we need in His perfect timing as a blessing; not as an anxiously awaited necessity (Matthew 6, 6:33)

      The following song from Fireproof may be encouraging to you, I know it has been to me:

While I’m Waiting lyrics

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

 

Source: http://www.lyricsmania.com/while_im_waiting_lyrics_john_waller.html

Listen to it here:

 http://www.amazon.com/While-Im-Waiting-John-Waller/dp/B0022XNSB6