Know, Court, Marry
For more information
on these three items (know, court, marry) read Passion and Purity or Quest
for Love by Elizabeth Elliot. They are awesome books!
Know: Getting to know the opposite sex. When I say getting to know I mean just talking,
hanging out—in groups, spending time with other families, ect… I do not mean sex and lust. You can have
clean, meaningful friendships with those of the opposite sex without dating
them or pursuing temptation.
Court: A period of time in which you move toward
engagement and marriage after having consulted your parents and other mature
Christians, but, most importantly, you have already received the approval of
the Lord through prayer and seeking His will.
Marriage: Uniting for as long as you both shall live.
Interested in somebody, but don’t know if you should say
something?
#1 Go to God in prayer asking for direction and His will
to be done.
Perquisite: If you
are a Christian you can only pursue a “relationship” with another Christian.
The Lord has warned us not to be unequally yoked (2 Cor. 6:14-18).
#2 Go to your parents
and other mature Christian
counselors (older people than you), and talk to them about the person you are
interested in. Ask them to partner with you in prayer and keep in touch. In
short, have some accountability.
#3 Go to her Dad and ask for permission to court his
daughter with the intention of marriage. Young men, I encourage you to do this before you say anything to the
girl. There are many reasons why I say this, but the primary one is that her
father deserves your respect. He, hopefully, is and has been the primary man in
her life, and out of respect you should ask him about his little girl. If you
don’t agree with me, then I ask you to put yourself in his position: how would you
feel if your daughter is “going-out” with a young man that you know nothing
about? That should be enough to send chills up and down your spine.
Courting is
not a synonym of dating. Dating is usually based on lust. Here’s why: a guy
sees a girl that is “hot” and so he asks her out. His thoughts are nowhere near
pure and his intention possibly worse. This is not God-honoring and it
certainly is not honoring to the young woman. The purpose of courting is to get
to know each other and find out if God wants the two of you to marry and when
you know that it is, to take wise, Spirit-lead steps to preparation for your
marriage.
For the girls
out there saying, “But what about a girl that is interested in a particular
guy, should she go to his Dad?” The answer is no. Girls, you should not do the
asking or pursue the young man. He is supposed to be the leader in the home
and, if you marry him, he is to be the head of the household. If you pursue
him, it would be easy for you two to get your roles mixed up from the very
beginning. A woman leading her household is not operating in her God-given
role, if her husband is still alive (Eph. 5:22-33).
#4 Talk to HER or HIM. Be careful and remember that your goal is to honor what God wants for
each of you. Maybe God has already revealed to you that you would marry
that person, but this doesn’t mean that you skip the courtship stage. Courtship
does not have a time limit attached to it; but you should strive to keep God as the focus. Don’t just spend time
alone together. Spend time during your courtship with each other’s families,
serving at church, etc.… Don’t just stay alone together! Only spending time
alone puts you in the center of the devil’s physical fun zone mentality. I
would even submit that you do not spend time alone, period, before marriage. Scripture warns us to flee sexual
temptation; not walk into situations where we know there could be some
temptation and just resist. Therefore, I purpose, avoiding the temptation
altogether—to flee like Joseph!—by going places with friends and family
together instead. After all, when you marry, you will need to know each other’s
family, so why not start spending time with all of them from the very
beginning?
The courtship model is
much closer to what occurred in ancient Israel and colonial America than our
current “progressive” search for finding a mate; and quite frankly, I think
they understood this process to marriage a lot better.
We have looked at a
lot today and we have done so very briefly. Above all else, please seek the
Lord’s will! Whether you completely agree with me or not, what is one principle
that you know is Scriptural and that you can put into action that you saw
today? Put it into action.
“He giveth power to the faint; and to
them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths
shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they
that wait upon the Lord shall
renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they
shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
Isaiah 40:29-31 KJV
